A Restless Soul

When I first became a professor I had it all planned out, I would do research, teach and supervise students, get tenure and do more research, teach more courses, and supervise more students for the rest of my life. But once I got tenure, instead of feeling very excited, I felt kind of depressed. I achieved the main goal I put out for myself. Would I really just do the same stuff for the rest of my career?

I even went to a career counselor who gave me a personality test. I'm a classic INTJ, a perfect fit for a scientific researcher. But I just couldn't keep doing the same and tried to mix it up in different ways. I had children, did a sabbatical in Amsterdam, changed jobs multiple times. A colleague called me "a restless soul."

I took service roles in the field, started this blog, wrote survey articles and a popular science book. In my research for a while I kept doing complexity though trying to focus on applying it to other disciplines such as economics. But I found myself often working on problems that few others cared about.

Eventually I became a department chair and a dean, during an incredible transformation in computing as we moved towards the data-driven future we now inhabit. Now that I've returned to the professoriate I lack the excitement and probably the skills to go back to complexity, which has become more of a mathematical field mostly ignoring the changes we've seen in computing.

In an interview for an administrative job I did not get, I gave a vision talk emphasizing growth and impact. Afterwards when I met with the faculty in small groups, one of them, a CS theorist whom I’ve known for decades, looks at me and says “You’ve changed". Yes. And they hadn't. Two responses to the same restlessness, perhaps. Or maybe they were never restless at all.