## Monday, June 05, 2006

### The Funniest Computer Science Joke Ever

My kids watched one of the Disney Channel sitcoms and I caught the following exchange:
Teacher: Do you want to hear the funniest computer science joke ever?
Student: Sure
Customer: My computer crashes every time I press enter.
Tech Guy: So don't press enter.
Teacher: Now wasn't that the funniest computer science joke ever?
Student: Yes it was.
Not so funny. But also nothing to do with computer science. No wonder my kids sometimes think I fix computers for a living.

1. N = 1 implies P = NP.

2. Even though it is sad, it reflects reality. People do not know what computer science is.

We should do sth to change that.

3. But you, and I mean theoreticians in general (not just Lance), do fix computers, don't you? You make them run faster :-)

4. But not too fast, or they might crash...

5. It's a funny joke, alright. But a funny IT joke, nothing to do with computer science at all.

A theory joke: for Chuck, P = NP.

6. Go and explain your daughter that you are proving LOWER BOUNDs on the speed at which a computer can solve a given problem. Pull your hair crazily when she asks why you would want to do such a thing: don't you want the computer to be as fast as possible?

7. So what IS the funniest computer science joke ever?

FunniestJoke(n):
Teacher: Do you want to hear the nth funniest computer science joke ever?
if n>1 then
Student: Sure, why not?
Teacher: So there's this computer science teacher and her student, and she says FunniestJoke(n-1)
else
Student: No, thanks. Computer science jokes are stupid.
fi

8. I'm here wondering why the heck they think that's a joke.

Was something lost in translation? (I'm not English native speaker)

9. In all fairness, they did not claim it was funny. They just said it was the funniest computer science joke.

misha b

10. A little theory joke:

"Let \epsilon be a real less than zero..."

11. Here's a joke with more of a TCS flavor.

A professor is giving a student an oral quiz on linear programming.

Professor: What is "Feasibility"?
Student: When a point satisfies all constraints.

Professor: What is "Optimality"?
Student: When a point achieves the max (or min) objective value amongst all feasible points.

Professor: What is "Complementary Slackness"?
Student: When I forget to tell my girlfriend how pretty she looks today.

nickh@mit.edu

12. Two computer scientists walk into a bar...ahh.. never mind.

13. Here's one from the glory days of the Usenet

Q. How many rec.humor readers does it take to invent a new light bulb joke?

A. 100: one to post the joke, the other 99 to follow up with "How many software engineers does it to clange a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem"

14. How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.

15. 1. A student goes up to Wirth and says "I have this idea for garbage collection -- keep a count of all the references to an object, then reclaim all of those whose reference counts reach 0". Wirth replies "A student came up to me and said 'I have this idea for garbage collection...'"

2. A student is repeatedly rebooting his computer, trying to get it to work. Minsky comes up and says "You can't just reboot the machine without knowing what your doing and expect it to work." Minsky then reboots the computer and it starts working.

3. The Americans pronounce Wirth's name "Nickles Worth", whereas the Europeans pronounce it "Nicklaus Wirth". That is, the Europeans call him by name, the Americans by value."

16. The joke about Minsky is the only one I laughed at.

Physicists and mathematicians have plenty of jokes about them... where are all the computer sciences jokes?

17. A classic comic, from

A programmer, looking into the computer says "I wish you could talk, I would like to know what are you thinking", in the next vignette the computer goes "I wish you could think I would like to know what are you saying".

18. Introducing kids to science and research at a young age can lead to lifelong curiosity. The Periodic Table of the Elements for kids.

http://s168146235.onlinehome.us/periodic-table.htm

19. you know that your poem is sad, but many people don't know what coumputer science is.

20. I think there is a difference between science and engineering. and "Computer Science" is thought more of engineering like building systems, networks etc. And theory is more of maths.

21. NO .NO. NO. NO . YOU NOT FUNNY YOU NOT FUNNY YOU NOT FUNNY.
THANKS FOR WASTING 15 SECONDS OF MY LIFE.
YOU ASS. YOU SUCK ASS. SHAT.

tg

22. http://phoxis.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/travelling_salesman_problem.jpg